Full Circle
Again and again…
Do you ever have moments when you come to realize that one thing about yourself that explains a lot about you? Maybe even everything about you. This one thing doesn’t necessarily have to do with any specific defining moment of your life, although it may sometimes be the case. What I’m talking about is more about something you’ve been looking for your entire life, a feeling. The search for this feeling is expressed and manifested through the values you choose to adopt, the goals and interests you choose to pursue, and the impulses, desires and fears you experience in every situation and relationship (romantic or otherwise). It is the “core code” that shapes your perception, understanding and drive.
I ask whether you have such moments in the plural sense because this “core code” is so fundamental to who we are no matter how many times we come to realize this one thing about ourselves, we invariably will always find ourselves enveloped by the ignorance of it, again and again. It may get easier with repetition but no matter how confident we might be about out-growing this part of ourselves, we always circle back to another version of the same place. We can’t out-grow this part of ourselves because it’s inescapable. If we could, it wouldn’t be our “core code”. We can only learn to live with it.
Staring straight into this part of ourselves is like pointing a video camera at its video recording, a sort of feedback loop. It’s both mesmerizing and jarring how coming to these realizations profoundly explains everything while at the same time robbing meaning from everything.
